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Fallen Eve

This article was originally written in August of 2009 for my personal blog. Thank you for reading!

When I first meet them, I get nervous. I wonder if I’m good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, witty enough. All of the doubts I have come to the surface when we are first introduced. What do I say? I’m not interesting. Do we have anything in common? I have nothing to offer. Most women have this fear about meeting a guy. Gaining his attention and keeping his interest. I have the opposite problem. Women intimidate me. Strong, confident, and assertive women. Why is this?

I’ve shrugged it off and explained it with the fact that I’ve grown up with brothers and am more comfortable around guys. However, it’s not ALL girls that cause me to feel insecure about myself. It’s the women like MYSELF that I feel inferior around. You’d think I would gravitate towards like minded individuals and be more comfortable around persons with the same kind of attitude, but I feel a need to compete even though there’s no competition. Like I have to prove myself when there’s no test. Continue reading “Fallen Eve” →

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Speechless

This article was originally written in July of 2009 on my personal blog. Thank you for reading!

Recently, a few people have commented on how they most appreciate my singing above my other gifts. I’d have to say that falls pretty low on my list of favorites. The reason being that it exposes who I am. My voice is ME. I can’t hide behind a camera, layers of makeup, a fictional character, my fears…or silence.

Silence is something I clung to because I feared my words would fall on disinterested ears. “People don’t care what I have to say.” Being a Christian I know these are words the enemy uses to stop me from spreading God’s message. Keeping me from loving others with my advice, encouraging words, humor, and music. Continue reading “Speechless” →

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Through the Darkest Valley

This article was originally written in November of 2013 for Our Witness, a website that highlights personal testimonies of Christians all over the world. Thank you for reading!

The day after I lost my baby was the only day I literally wanted to die. I’ve met other women who suffered a miscarriage before, but they still seemed “normal”, so I didn’t think much of the impact it has on women until it happened to me.

They said it was “hard” and “one of the most difficult events they’ve ever been through”, but I couldn’t imagine the attachment they had to their unborn child no matter how brief or how long their baby was wrapped in its mother’s womb.

We weren’t trying to get pregnant, but it was something I could hardly wait for. I always joked that I’ve been wanting a baby since I was a baby, so since I’ve been married I’ve had multiple talks with my husband asking why we couldn’t have a baby…NOW.  My period came like clockwork and so did the symptoms, however the day before I was supposed to start my cycle, me and my husband were watching our favorite shows and I had this overwhelming and exciting urge to yell “I’m pregnant!”

Well, for obviously reasons, I didn’t. Continue reading “Through the Darkest Valley” →

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A Hole is Where the Heart Is

This article was originally written in January of 2012 for Our Witness, a website that highlights personal testimonies of Christians all over the world. Thank you for reading!

Recently, my husband and I had our first encounter with serious repairs to our apartment. Ever since the first time it rained while we were living on our own, we’ve been dealing with leaks here and there in our office. There was even an incident when I noticed a leak above my computer desk right before we were about to leave for a meeting. If we had left just a few minutes sooner, my keyboard might have been soaked by the time we returned home and that would have been a whole other problem.

Even though the leak was apparent in three different spots, it was all caused by the same source. Patch work time and again just didn’t fix the problem, and our ceiling was only getting worse. This most recent leak was also the most damaging as water started seeping through the walls. We practically demanded management come and see for themselves what the problem was and repair it for good. Instead, we got a knock on the door by the same maintenance men who had been “fixing” this leak for the past year or so. Great. Continue reading “A Hole is Where the Heart Is” →

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Peace Walking

This article was originally written in July of 2012 for Our Witness, a website that highlights personal testimonies of Christians all over the world. Thank you for reading!

Recently, I was at a financial workshop and the leaders of the session (husband and wife) asked us attendees to take a few minutes and write down what we value most in life. Being that we were going to discuss finances, I wrote my answers accordingly. When we were asked to share, others were saying values like “Relationship with God. Family. Giving to others.” I admit I felt pretty selfish when I piped up “Peace of Mind.” The leaders actually took a beat to think about that and responded, “We’ve never heard that answer before. But we value that too.” Since then, I’ve been thinking about my response and wondering why peace is so high on my list of values.

In my life currently, peace of mind can be hard to come by. My career, friendships, and finances are all very inconsistent. Some would say that having those elements can make up a happy lifestyle. Thank God that’s not true because—if it were—I’d be a nut case. Pardon my French. When I first moved to California years ago, God rocked my world by taking away everything I felt secure in. Before that move, I was used to having a consistent job, consistent friendships, and money to do what I wanted. Because of this, I relied mainly on myself and thanked God for the strength to do so. Now I know just how backwards that is.  Continue reading “Peace Walking” →

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Acting Like a Christian

This article was originally written for Our Witness, a website that highlights personal testimonies of Christians all over the world. Since this is my first post for L’amour in Christ, I thought I should let you in on who I am as an artist and a child of God. Thank you for reading!

Being beautiful on the outside isn’t something I’m always striving to be, but knowing that I’m exuding beauty from within is very important to me. Unfortunately, it’s taken me a while to know who I truly am and to accept that person. Before my relationship with God, I struggled to feel beautiful and that’s one of the reasons my mom enrolled me in modeling classes when I was 15 years young. I didn’t know this at the time, but it was her way of boosting my self esteem and helping me to accept my femininity.

I used to think anything form-fitting was sexual, and I didn’t want the wrong kind of attention coming my way. After learning that how I carried myself spoke more about me than what I was wearing, I felt comfortable looking like a girl. These affirmations and the newfound love for myself helped kick start my modeling and acting career. Continue reading “Acting Like a Christian” →

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