We’re doing a series on dating and relationships. Join the conversation! Are there any specific topics you’d like us to write about? (This article was originally written in July of 2015 for Project Inspired, a website that encourages Christian teenage girls all over the world. Thank you for reading!)
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)
I waited until I was married to have sex. In fact, I wore a purity ring for years that was eventually replaced by my engagement ring because I was sure that decision was the right one for me. It’s important to make this choice for yourself and not judge other people who haven’t done the same. I definitely had the desire to be intimate, as any young woman with a pulse might, so I was constantly asked why I was saving my virginity for my future husband.
This subject is a very personal one, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for whatever you choose to do. However, if you feel the need to respond, it’s best to do it with the spotlight on yourself and your personal convictions instead of simply saying “Everyone should do this because God wants us to.” Keeping God’s commands is very important, but it’s also good to know and share the benefits of abiding by His word.
The next time someone raises an eyebrow at your moral compass and offers these remarks, consider responding in the following ways.
- “It’s not a big deal.” It most definitely is a big deal. There are plenty of people who will fall into one-night stands and follow their body’s desires, but not many of them will tell you that you are giving a piece of yourself to anyone you are intimate with. You might want to save those pieces for your future spouse so that he will have that prize for himself.
- “You’re missing out on a lot of great guys you could be with.” This should be obvious, but most of us don’t think about it until it’s too late. Not everyone is honest or knowledgeable about possible STDs they are carrying. Having multiple partners increases your risks of contracting something you may end up suffering with for the rest of your life, and you could be putting your future spouse at risk without even knowing it.
- “Don’t you think you’re being old-fashioned?” Times change, but God’s values never will. He has asked us to keep our marriage bed undefiled, and that request doesn’t come with an expiration date. Being “old-fashioned” isn’t always a bad thing, and there are reasons why generations before us held onto certain traditions and had long-lasting marriages because of it.
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4)
- “You already know he’s the one you’re going to marry, so there’s no need to wait.” Whoever you decide to have a relationship with should respect your decision, and that includes “The One.” If a guy pursues you in hopes of getting you into his bed without marrying you, his motives are not in the right place and he is not worthy of your time.
- “What if you get married and find out you’re terrible in bed?” I’ve always been from the school of thought that if God will bring you a husband, He will make sure that you are compatible in every way. Your sex life is something you both will have to work at whether or not you are a virgin, so there’s no need to worry unnecessarily about a lack of fulfillment in the bedroom.
It is possible to start a new life of abstinence if you’ve already had sex before marriage. God does not condemn those who have, and it’s never too late to start a clean slate and honor your body in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.
Do you think it’s important to wait for marriage? How do you face criticism for the choice that you’ve made?