This article was originally written in October of 2015 for Project Inspired, a website that encourages Christian teenage girls all over the world. Thank you for reading!
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
Imagine this conversation: your best friend is talking about her new crush and mentioning how sweet he is and how she could gaze into his eyes forever. It only takes a few minutes before she says his name, and your heart sinks to the pit of your stomach. You and your best friend–who are used to sharing everything–are into the same guy! Obviously you can’t share a boyfriend, so what do you do?
It’s the world’s way to fight over someone, or to break a friendship over what you think isn’t fair. Dating is not a competition, especially with your sisters in Christ, so I encourage you to seek after God’s heart to do what is noble and acceptable to Him.
1. Talk about it. It can be awkward or intimidating, but avoiding the topic altogether and not letting your friend know that you are attracted to someone she is smitten with could lead to resentment down the line if they do end up dating. I’ve known women that will try to break a relationship apart and find reasons why they shouldn’t be together because of her jealousy.
2. Decide together. You may be surprised that when you bring up your feelings to your friend, she’s more than willing to move on to someone else. She might even encourage it because she’s the type to set her feelings aside for the sake of your happiness. Whether you become his girlfriend or not, having her honest support will help to keep your friendship strong. If you decide to be the one who moves on, have a genuine heart backing up your decisions to ensure that there are no hard feelings down the line.
And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. (Luke 6:31)
3. Wait it out. It can be very difficult to decide what to do at first, especially if you’ve invested your feelings in this guy for quite some time. Both of you may think that you deserve to have him as your boyfriend, but the truth of it is he may only like one of you, or he may have his eyes on someone else altogether. Rather than you both deciding prematurely who should pursue him or that neither of you should, you can simply wait to see if his interest is piqued in a certain direction. That way he can do the deciding for you.
4. Pray about it. This should be done in every case, and the Lord will ultimately lead you to making the right choice. God may tell you to talk with your friend, move on, pursue this guy, or to wait and see if your feelings about him are mutual.
I bet you all have some great additional advice for this scenario. We’d love to hear from you, so let’s see those comments!
Kytia L’amour is a writer, performer, and photographer spreading God’s love in all art forms. Reaching out to young women and sharing her story is what keeps her heart beating for Christ.
Kytia lives in sunny Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.