This article was originally written in September of 2015 for Project Inspired, a website that encourages Christian teenage girls all over the world. Thank you for reading!
Be strong, and let your heart be courageous, all you who put your hope in the LORD. (Psalm 31:24)
Although I don’t personally believe dating is necessary until you’re entering a life stage where you are marriage-minded, I know most of you are hoping to have a relationship soon. I’d like to share some tips on who to avoid in the meantime. I’ll also briefly describe what you can do to get through the tough task of moving on.
Here are five guys who are no longer worth your time:
1. The guy who only wants to be friends…with benefits. I’ve heard this scenario time and time again. He likes you, but not enough to make it official. Being physically intimate with someone isn’t something you can just turn on and off without feelings attached. I know as women, we tend to fall harder for a guy once we’ve taken our friendship to the next level. If he isn’t serious about being committed to you, it’s simply not fair to your tender heart. Even if you tell yourself that something is better than nothing, a small voice will constantly remind you that you deserve better.
2. The guy who only likes the “hot” girls. Be wary of young men who seem to only go after low-cut tops and short skirts. Most likely he is searching for a girl who’s willing to do some things that you aren’t. You may start to get jealous and find yourself looking through your wardrobe for your most form-fitting clothes to get his attention. Changing yourself to be like someone else is a warning sign. Anyone fortunate enough to call you his girlfriend should like you for who you are.
A tranquil heart is life to the body, but jealousy is rottenness to the bones. (Proverbs 14:30)
3. The guy who never admitted feelings toward you. You can usually tell he’s into you because most guys will make it obvious. Even if he doesn’t tell you, his friends might let it slip in hopes that you feel the same way. I’ve known many girls who waited so long and read into every encounter they had with a guy trying to figure out if he even liked her. If you have to put on a detective hat and search for clues, most likely the guy you’re crushing on doesn’t see you as his future girlfriend.
4. The guy who is coming between you and your friend. It’s not that uncommon to find out that one of your friends likes the same guy as you do. This might even lead to arguments and cause division among the two of you. When I was in situations like this, I liked to keep things as uncomplicated as possible. If I had a friend who liked the same guy that I did, I would take it upon myself to stop pursuing him. My friendships were always more important…and there are so many other guys out there!
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. (Philippians 2:3)
5. The guy who has a girlfriend. Even if he didn’t have a girlfriend when you started liking him, it’s still heartbreaking to see him suddenly holding hands with another girl. If he’s unavailable, it’s definitely time to let that crush go. Respect their relationship enough to turn off any flirting you may have been accustomed to doing when he was single.
Moving on is the hardest part, and it’s important to confide in friends and adults who will take your feelings seriously. You may need a shoulder to cry on, a great book to read to take your mind off of him or even a hangout session with your friends when you need a good laugh. You can also pray to God to help take the feelings away so that it hurts less. I’ve done that, and it works!
Are there any things I missed? I’d love to hear your advice as well.
Kytia L’amour is a writer, performer, and photographer spreading God’s love in all art forms. Reaching out to young women and sharing her story is what keeps her heart beating for Christ.
Kytia lives in sunny Los Angeles with her husband and daughter.